According to Vedic tradition, there are 2 distinct paths to travel in life – one is the path of renunciation, the other is the path of householder. Path is renunciation is called Sannyasa or Brahmacharya which is taken by people who wish to renounce worldly and materialistic pursuits and dedicate their lives to spiritual pursuits. The path of householder (Grihastha) is choosing a married life with a family unit. Whichever path you may choose, both paths require us to work on self so that it ultimately leads us to the space of Eternal Consciousness.
Many of us had chosen the second path, whether it is out of choice or ignorance, as our path of evolution. Traveling on the path of householder has taught me many life lessons from the various emotional ups and downs, conflicts and the paradoxes of a human mind. It is only when I really understand that the path of householder is also a part of my spiritual practice, I begin to embrace the responsibility without internal conflict.
I would like to share with my readers some of the most sacred truth I learned from Paramahamsa Nithyananda which had helped me tremendously over the years in being in a relationship as a couple with minimum friction. I can’t say there won’t be any conflict at all, but the key thing is I no longer carry the baggage or the dust of the past and I am able to get back to my center of silence very quickly. This is such a liberation.There are 7 golden truths which you need to catch:
- Relationship is a Sadhana. In Yoga, Sadhana is a means or practice to accomplish something or a discipline undertaken in the pursuit of a goal. For example, in order to achieve a yogic body-mind, we perform Sadhana to build the body-mind. Same way, a good relationship is also a Sadhana itself in which we work with a visible partner as couple. Unless we learn how to work with a visible relationship, we can’t evolve to working on the invisible relationship (the subtle body-mind). The body and mind are like husband and wife – what the mind wants is different from what the body wants. In a relationship Sadhana, a woman discovers the masculine principle in her or a man discovers the feminine consciousness in him by crossing to other’s side to give what each other wants. There is no clash between the need to be yourself and your partner’s need to be himself or herself. The key is to have honest communication and acceptance without being insecure or possessive.
- Relationship needs time & understanding. To enjoy a good fulfilling relationship, spending time together to build deeper understanding is absolutely necessary. Whether it is creating health or wealth, we need to work for it, same way for a good relationship to blossom, we need to spend time in developing sensitivity and understanding towards each other. Do not allow the busy life to take away the quality time together. There is no shortcut in a good relationship because each of you is a spiritual being who is constantly evolving in a fast-paced world. When we give time for each other; it not only creates a certain level of stability in the relationship but also allows the joy of sharing each other’s special life moments and transformation.
- Relationship is an art. Relationship is about the knowledge of the heart which requires us to use our heart in addition to our mind. If we use logic in matters of the heart, we reduce love into a conditional, business-like relationship. For example, an artist can only create from the depth of his heart, then he will simply flow. Just like nobody can teach us how to paint, nobody can teach us how to create a fulfilling relationship. We may learn certain techniques from others, but fundamentally we have to work on it ourselves.
- See your partner as a friend. This is one truth which changed my perspective on relationship – that friendship is the language of relating with human beings. By cultivating “friendliness” towards each other, it can burn one’s ego and every one we meet becomes our friend. Friendship is the ultimate relationship because till a relationship evolves into friendship, this relationship will not be complete or fulfilled.
- Hostility makes you grow and alive. Sometimes we encounter hostility in a form of anger or violence from our partner or loved ones, always remember that hostility brings out the best in us. When we are constantly threatened, it awakens our creativity and makes us stand up with responsibility in life. Instead of falling into fear attack or depression, we can use this golden opportunity to expand and be creative. This is the best time for us to completely stand up with truthfulness, sincerity and integrity for the things we hold true in our heart.
- Each soul is responsible for itself. In Cosmic Law, only individuals exist, each soul is on its own journey of evolution to the highest existence. The truth is we can never make anyone secured – not even our children, spouse or parents. They are just our social responsibility that comes with the decision as a householder. But we should not escape from these responsibilities in the name of spiritual life nor should we sacrifice our life for them. We have to let each individual travel through their path while we work on our own path.
- Unclutch from all frictions. Frictions in relationships are caused by expectations as an investment from ego and past engraved memories (samskaras). If a partner is not ready to listen or face it, sometimes it is best to accept one’s engrams and unclutch from it. Unclutching is a powerful self-purifying technique which can liberate us from all emotional upheavals and disturbances. It helps us to see the other person with love and compassion. We give space for that person to evolve in his or her own time. By understanding our own boundaries as a partner and constantly practice unclutching in life, the extraordinary joy of sharing love can be a feasible lifestyle for a couple. This is truly possible. In fact, when we learn to unclutch as a couple, we have the freedom to be intensely, lovingly and deeply being clutched without friction.