That year was 2005, one evening I had my 1.5 year old son playing besides me on a bed and suddenly a negative thought came into my inner space – “What if I die at this moment?” Suddenly, I experienced an intense fear through out the whole body with my heart palpitating in such a fast speed. Having learned yoga since 2000, I knew the spirit is eternal but I also understood that it had not become my own experience yet. The immediate next thought I had was – “I need to learn how to meditate and start understanding the deeper truth in life.”
I had been working on my different fears ever since I started my spiritual work. I am beyond the fear of losing material possessions because I know everything is impermanent and I trust my innate intelligence and capacity to recreate wealth even if it is taken away from me. I have no fear of losing my physical and mental health because I know how to care and maintain this body-mind system and use it as a vehicle for my achievement and my intended reality. I can handle the fear of losing my loved ones because I know that death is a liberation and celebration given to every individual soul tormented by the ignorance that they are separated from the Whole. However, I realised that there was ONE fear that I was still not able to overcome i.e. the fear of my “BIGNESS”, the Unknown. This fear had been there in my inner space for the last couple of years till I attended the latest Inner Awakening Level 4 in Bali 4 weeks ago. No doubt that there were too many profound alchemy processes in this Inner Awakening, but one of the fundamental experiences I had was going beyond my last fear!