I met a friend recently who shared with me about his unhappy relationship with his spouse. His wife has started arguing a lot lately in front of their children which really upset him. He was hoping I could help his wife to understand the big picture. This gave me the inspiration to share this important truth to parents out there who are ignorant about their actions.
Do you know how the fight between parents can hurt the children?
I remembered my Guru, Paramahamsa Nithyananda (fondly known as Swamiji) once advised a parent on a similar situation. He said: “Arguing is nothing but being unable to come to terms with the other person. It is not that you are unable to come to terms with the situations. No! Understand, you are not able to come to terms with the other person.”
The constant fight between parents is going to bring a tremendous damage and hurt to the children. When kids see parents fighting with each other, they lose trust in life and their risk-taking ability is broken completely. They are put into the fear psychosis of “Oh, if I don’t behave, I may not have a place here.” When that insecurity is planted in a child’s inner space, forever he or she will be suffering from the fear of insecurity. In the first 9 years of a child’s life, you need to give a complete safe and secure feeling so that he or she will have the confidence in themselves and life. Arguing and fighting in front of kids directly destroy this feeling of security in the life. In addition, children lose respect for life and experience incompletion with life itself when they see parents fighting with each other. When they carry the wound of seeing parents fighting, they feel incomplete with the father or mother and they carry so much of incompletion inside them towards life.